Honouring the Self

I love me

Of all the judgements that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgement touches the very centre of our existence.

…No significant aspect of our thinking, motivation, feelings, or behaviour is unaffected by our self evaluation…

The first act of honouring the self is the assertion of consciousness: the choice to think, to be aware, to send the searchlight of consciousness outward toward the world and inward toward our own being. To default on this effort is to default on the self at the most basic level.

To honour the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by our own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions and judgements.

To honour the self is to be willing to know not only what we think but also what we feel, what we want, need, desire, suffer over, are frightened and angered by – and to accept our right to experience such feelings. The opposite of this attitude is denial, disownment, repression – self repudiation.

To honour the self is to preserve an attitude of self acceptance – which means to accept what we are, without self oppression or self castigation, without any pretence about the truth of our own being, pretence aimed at deceiving either ourselves or anyone else.

To honour the self is to live authentically, to speak and act from our own innermost convictions and feelings.

To honour the self is to refuse to accept unearned guilt, and to do our best to correct such guilt as we may have earned.

To honour the self is to be committed to our right to exist which proceeds from the knowledge that our life does not belong to others and that we are not here on earth to live up to someone else’s expectations. To many people, this is a terrifying responsibility.

To honour the self is to be in love with your own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and exploring our distinctively human potentialities.

Thus we can begin to see that to honour the self is to practice Selfishness in the highest, noblest and the least understood sense of that word. And this, I shall argue, requires enormous independence, courage and integrity.


Extract from Honouring the Self by Nathaniel Branden