“The ulitmate collection of things not to do or say.”

Hi – and thank you for visiting this page.  Just the fact that you are reading this is an expression of your desire to really support the people you love and care about as they go through fertility processes.  As we all know, these processes are about the incredible journey and miracle of creating new life.  If the people you care about are involved in any kind of fertility process, this means that falling pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy has not been an easy and automatic process for them.

It also means that they are likely to have some degree of stress, sadness, anxiety and a range of other emotions going on for them at any one time, and your support is going to be of great value to them.

There is no right way to support someone in a fertility process.  Each one of us needs and responds to different things, differently.

What is important is that you consider that your words and actions can have a great impact on the person you care about.  Something you say with good intention could cause pain, guilt, hurt or frustration.  Similarly a small word or gesture can help them through a rough or dark time.  Fertility is a mystery – there are many things that may impact our fertile state.  There could be any one of, or a combination of, a range of aspects – physical, emotional, and mental.  You may have an opionion as to what is preventing your loved one from falling pregnant – and you may or may not be right.  However, what no person going through this process needs is to be judged by others as to what they are doing wrong.  If expressed in a way that hurts or impacts your loved one – even when your intentions are loving and supportive – your judgement may well contribute to the stress that can negativly impact their fertile state.

I am hesitant to write any suggestions or advice on what you should or should not do, as every person is different.  What works for me could really irritate your loved one.  On the side (right) are some blogs from people on their personal experiences, and my hope is that reading these will be useful for you.  Bear in mind that these are just the thoughts and experiences of these people, and may be very different to what would work for your friend or loved one.

My advice is to ask the person you want to support what would work for them, and rather have this conversation with them at the start of their process, rather than when they are in the middle of a procedure or are getting pregnancy results.

Most of all just be gentle – all of us in fertility processes need love and understanding a lot more than we need advice or judgment.

Sometimes it is good to get an overview from a whole lot of people.  This link will take you through to a support forum for people struggling to fall pregnant, or those that have suffered a miscarriage.  This is the link to the topic “The ulitmate collection of things not to do or say to an Infertile”.  Bear in mind that it is a support forum, and the people posting to this site have experienced a lot of pain and frustration.

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